I'm gonna take a brief detour from talk of our work here in Rwanda and share about a personal transformation that has occurred this year. I suppose it really does play into our work here in the grand scheme of things. This will probably only resonate with a choice group of folks reading this, but I still felt it important to put out there. I'm excited to share about it b/c if it resonates with one or some of you, then it's worth it to me to share my recent journey.
So back in February, I started reading a book called Coming Clean by Seth Haines. I went to college with the author, and although we didn't run in the same circles, I met him somewhere along the way. I found it to be kinda cool to know a real author who published something successful, so I had a gander at his book.
The book is a journal that chronicles his first 90 days of sobriety. It was honest and raw and I liked that. For him, liquor silenced the noise. It's what he ran to when he needed to run from life's difficulties. Right away I felt God speaking to me through his experience. While not an alcoholic, I did have my own little vice (ok enormous vice) that I'd been carrying around basically since I was born. My relationship with food felt uncontrollable for as long as I can remember. It always felt so pitiful for food, specifically sugar, to control me. I felt ashamed, weak, and unceasingly frustrated. Not to mention I didn't like the way I felt or looked.
If you know me well, you know that I'm strong-willed, type A, and don't quit or give up easily. These attributes can have their advantages and disadvantages. For years and years it really bothered me that I was a very strong and determined woman but couldn't seem to whip my food issues into shape. Let me just tell you I was a master at sneaking food, eating others food, hiding food, binging on food, etc. I had tried SOOO many things to 'fix' myself and had prayed a hundred prayers and shed even more tears while begging God to take my struggle away and heal me from my addiction. He didn't.
As I read through Seth's struggles with the drink and compared them to my struggles with sugar, I was convicted that they're the same. I don't need sugar just like he didn't need alcohol. They're both a crutch, a substitute for God in our lives. (***Now this is the case for ME, I get that not everyone can link eating sugar to a spiritual problem. I actually think that people who don't struggle with sugar are like freaks of nature, such as my husband). I finally made the connection that a recovering alcoholic can't have a sip now and then or a drug addict can't indulge occasionally. Someone addicted to porn can't view it sometimes. An addict has to remove that which is the obstacle completely. So God clearly pointed out that for me abstinence was my solution. Like completely. Forever. So that's just what I did. I haven't had sugar since March 1, 2016 (except natural sugar in fruits) and I've loved my decision and I'm a changed woman. He delivered me from my longest and oldest personal struggle, and I praise HIM alone for this transformation.
Of course the first several days were just plain unpleasant. Within a week though, I noticed so many positive changes that I couldn't deny them being attributed to removing sugar. My mid-afternoon comatose state was gone, I could think more clearly, I enjoyed healthy foods more, my digestion was normal, I wasn't congested, I slept better and required less sleep each night. The list could go on. I knew that living sugar-free had led to so many positive changes and it felt great.
I felt so different that I started researching and learning about all manner of health related topics. I came across another book entitled Wheat Belly which made me very curious about gluten. Just as a personal experiment, I decided to also cut out gluten which led to more positive changes. Most of all that book helped teach me about the difference in real food that fuels your body and absolute junk. So now when I'm making food choices I just ask myself is that real food or junk. It's quite easy to know the difference now.
I still feel conflicted about all that's out there in the food research world. I admit that I did binge a bit on food documentaries for a time and walked away feeling pretty confused. Vegan/Raw Vegan/Paleo/Fuitarian/High Fat/Low Carb.....blah blah blah. I don't know what's best, but I do know for me sugar and gluten are not and I'm sticking to that.
I was on a retreat recently and chose to relax on my gluten-free lifesyle during that time. After 2 or 3 days I felt terrible. My symptoms were body aches/pain, weakness, abdominal cramping and bowel issues. It was miserable and those few days confirmed even more that removing gluten was a great choice. Lately, I've embraced juicing and have concocted some pretty nasty ones and then others that taste o.k. But when I drink them I sure feel like I'm putting good stuff in my body.
Praise God for his intervention in my life these past 6 months. I'd encourage others with similar struggles to consider ridding yourself of sugar and seeing all the great responses your body shows you. Not like reducing sugar, I mean like none, zero, zilch. Even hidden sugars (See the documentary called That Sugar Film). I bet you'll be glad you did!
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